


Put Your Number On The Cup

by Dabethan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gamzee is there but it is extremely brief, I apologise, Starbucks AU, coffee shop AU, davekat only get together in the ending notes, like a sentence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22239646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabethan/pseuds/Dabethan
Summary: Pumpkin spice latte for Shouty McPiss Bitch
Relationships: Dave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	Put Your Number On The Cup

**Author's Note:**

> I do not have a proper beta, and I only vaguely proofread this. Was prompted to write this by the same bitch who had me write Dabethan.

Kanaya had been attending a particular Starbucks for a few weeks now, working up the courage to say hello to the cute goth girl who always makes her drink. Karkat had agreed to go with her as a "wingman" due to his supposed expertise in romance, while Vriska and Terezi joined out of boredom.

No one's sure why Gamzee came along; he immediately fell headfirst into a trashcan and fell asleep.

It's empty as shit in this Starbucks, with only the previously mentioned cute goth girl and some douchebag waiting around behind the counter, not even pretending to look busy. The goth girl immediately looks up with interest upon seeing Kanaya, but the other cashier makes his way to the register first, still blabbing away at her before he even turns to look at his customers.

????: hey welcome to sbucks you want a sugar milk thing or

Who's this douchebag?

The incredibly cool and fresh dude at the counter is wearing a standard Starbucks uniform with a black apron and snapback, which is turned backwards on his head. His name tag says "Dave", and he is brandishing fake gang signs with an incredibly straight face. Behind him is a girl who looks oddly similar to him, wearing almost the exact same outfit, but while "Dave" was wearing aviators, "Rose" was wearing those colored shutter sunglasses that was popular like a decade ago. She is staring in the direction of Kanaya.

KANAYA: I Would Just Like Plain Black Coffee Please  
KANAYA: My Name Is Kanaya Maryam  
DAVE: k  
KARKAT: I WOULD ALSO LIKE THIS THING CALLED "COFFEE".  
DAVE: sure can i get your name  
KARKAT: NO.  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: yes  
KARKAT: NO!  
DAVE: yes  
KARKAT: N-  
VRISKA: Oh my gooooooood. Fuck this lets go vandalize a 8athroom.  
TEREZI: 1SN'T TH4T 4G4INST TH3 L4W?  
VRISKA: Yep! ;;;;)  
TEREZI: TH3N 1 GU3SS SOM3ON3 W1LL H4VE TO STOP YOU!!  
VRISKA: Yep!!!!!!!!

Holding hands, Vriska and Terezi run off towards the bathroom. Karkat continues to glare at this straight faced barista, who is strangely unphased that two people have gone to commit crimes in their public bathroom.

KARKAT: WHY DO YOU WANT MY NAME?  
DAVE: so that we know whos drink this is duh  
KARKAT: I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE MY NAME.  
DAVE: uhhh ok no drink then  
KARKAT: EXCUSE ME? JUST GIVE ME THE DRINK.  
DAVE: no  
KARKAT: YES.  
DAVE: no  
KARKAT: YES.  
DAVE: no  
KARKAT: GIVE ME THE FUCKING DRINK!  
DAVE: fine what drink do you want  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: you never said what drink you wanted dipshit  
KARKAT: OH FUCK RIGHT. OK.  
KARKAT: PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE WITH SOY MILK, DOUBLE PUMP OF CARAMEL, AND SEVEN PACKETS OF SUGAR.  
DAVE: …size  
KARKAT: VENTI.  
DAVE: of course  
KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP, PISSWAD.  
DAVE: gladly

A somewhat miserable and embarrassed Kanaya drags Karkat to go sit at a table in the corner. She stares longingly at the counter, while Karkat huffs a little, with his arms crossed.

KARKAT: IT'S FINE, MAYBE SHE'LL BE THE ONE WHO HANDS IT TO YOU WHEN IT'S FINISHED. THEN YOU CAN ASK HER OUT.  
KANAYA: What If She Doesnt Though  
KARKAT: THEN YOU COME IN AGAIN TOMORROW.  
KARKAT: WITHOUT ME THOUGH, I DON'T WANT TO INTERACT WITH THAT GUY AGAIN. IS HE WEARING A CAPE? OH MY GOD HE IS TOTALLY WEARING A CAPE WHAT THE HELL.  
KANAYA: Why Are You Staring At Him  
KARKAT: I AM NOT STARING AT HIM.

He whips his head back towards her, his eyes narrowed.

KARKAT: I'M JUST PRETTY SURE HE'S AN ASSHOLE WHO WILL PROBABLY FUCK UP MY DRINK ON PURPOSE, THAT'S ALL.  
DAVE: PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE FOR SHOUTY MCPISS BITCH  
KARKAT: OH SHIT, THAT'S ME.

Karkat quickly jumps up and walks over to the pick up counter. Once he reaches it, Dave tosses a cup of cold, white, and wet substance over Karkat's face.

KARKAT: …  
DAVE: my bad  
KARKAT: WOW *FUCK* YOU, SERIOUSLY.  
KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST IS THIS MILK? IS THIS SERIOUSLY JUST STRAIGHT COLD MILK??  
DAVE: no its soy milk i dont wanna accidentally kill you or something  
KARKAT: WELL I DO WANT TO KILL YOU. AND NOT ACCIDENTALLY.  
DAVE: im flattered but youre not my type  
KARKAT: EXCUSE ME???  
DAVE: hey now dont get too mad its bound to happen at some point  
DAVE: like just cause youre pretty doesnt mean youre immune to getting rejected like a hot pocket thats been out on the counter for a week cause i made it during a sad time on the kitchen floor at 2 am only for my bro to come in and be like dave the fuck dude and im like ugh what maybe i wanted it on that counter and then we leave it on the counter because i wanted it there and hes not gonna crack and toss it until i crack and toss it and now its like room temperature but still weirdly decent looking cause really what do they put in those things its like fuckin magic or something hot pocket magic man shit  
DAVE: anyway sorry youre gay and im hot i guess  
DAVE: (like a hot pocket damn bro)  
KARKAT: WOW.  
KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO COPULATE WITH YOU, TURDFUCKER. I JUST HATE YOU. PLATONICALLY.  
DAVE: yeah i dont get why i deserve that though so  
KARKAT: YOU THREW COLD SOY MILK ON ME.  
DAVE: oh yeah i forgot  
KARKAT: IT WAS LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AGO!  
DAVE: god thats like practically forever how are you not over that by now  
DAVE: just take your soyboi ass out and leave jfc  
KARKAT: OK, THAT'S IT!

Karkat jumps over the counter, intending to punch Dave, and instead found himself wrapped up in the absurd cape Dave is totally wearing.

KARKAT: MMRRFGH??? FFRGEHS!!  
DAVE: ...

Karkat manages to pull away enough that he can breathe, but he's still very much caught up in the fabric.

KARKAT: WHY ARE!!! YOU WEARING A FUCKING CAPE!!! HOLY SHIT!!!  
DAVE: i look cool  
KARKAT: YOU DON'T LOOK COOL YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHE!!!  
DAVE: no see i wear sunglasses at all times  
DAVE: that makes me look like a douche  
DAVE: i also wear a cape and that makes me look like a dork  
DAVE: now i also work at starbucks and wear them along with my uniform and that sir makes it ironic and thus cool  
DAVE: its like math  
DAVE: pemdas  
KARKAT: MRRFH!!!  
DAVE: yeah

Setting a finished drink on the counter, Rose walks over and begins untangling Karkat from the dreaded cape.

DAVE: thanks rose  
KARKAT: AUGH!!!

Then she slapped them once each.

DAVE: ow  
KARKAT: FUCK???

Picking up the drink, Rose turns and walks towards the table where Kanaya is seated.

ROSE: Kanaya Maryam?  
KANAYA: Oh Yes  
KANAYA: Hello  
ROSE: I have your drink. You would have received it earlier if I didn't have to deal with the chaotic bullshit of my brother. My apologies.  
KANAYA: Its Quite All Right  
KANAYA: But Thank You For Your Concern  
ROSE: I also took the liberty in writing my name and phone number on the cup, in case you would like to have further contact. I think you are quite attractive, and would like to take you on a date. But only if that is alright with you.  
ROSE: I know this would seem like a lot of pressure, so please understand that it is only a suggestion that you can take up if you so wish to.  
KANAYA: I Understand  
KANAYA: Thank You  
VRISKA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NICE!  
TEREZI: WOW, W3 L34V3 FOR F1V3 M1NUT3S  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??  
DAVE: shes serious shes too nice for asking people on a date as a joke sort of bullshit  
ROSE: Now, you on the other hand…  
DAVE: hey no what no im-

Dave jumps a bit as an abrupt cough sounds behind him, and both employees turn to see what appears their manager, shaking their head at them with managerly disapproval.

ROSE: …  
DAVE: …

Immediately Kanaya begins shuffling Karkat out the door with her drink in her other hand, while Terezi and Vriska cackle behind them.

KANAYA: We Will Be Leaving Now Thank You For The Drink Rose  
KANAYA: I Will Be In Contact Shortly

**Author's Note:**

> Epilogue:
> 
> Karkat proceeded to get coffee from Dave, in this exact mannor, every day for the next ten years. Then they fucked.


End file.
